I was going to just let this go and not blog about this, but a week later it is still bothering me and I feel like I just need to blog about it and see if I'm the only one who goes through this.
Last week I went to my regular OBGYN appointment (TMI free post, no worries.) I hate going to the doctor, especially the lady doctor. Girls, I know you'll agree with me that none of us look forward to going to THAT appointment. After disrobing I folded my clothes neatly, strategically hiding my undergarments on the nearby chair and sliding my flip flops on the floor underneath. I waited an indeterminate time, sitting on the examination table in the teenie, tiny, embarrassingly small hospital gown for the doctor to arrive.
She arrived and introduced herself (first time seeing this doctor, at the medical group I belong to it's a revolving door of physicians) and then started right out of the gate about my weight. Yes, I'm fat. I've been fat all my life. In fact I am what the medical community likes to call morbidly obese, but I prefer what the fat acceptance blogosphere affectionately calls "death fat". I do expect some mention about my weight when I go to the doctor. It's one of the reasons I hate going. But keep in mind I'm at the OBGYN, not my regular primary doctor. I'm here to get my lady parts checked and I'm out of there. But no it wasn't that simple. First she looks down at my flip flops and says "Well there is part of your problem right there, you're wearing flip flops. You need tennis shoes so you can WALK WITH PURPOSE". Ok doc, hold it right there. There are several reasons why I wear flip flops:
1. It's the middle of summer and they are cute.
2. I just got a pedi and how else am I going to show off my toes without going barefoot?
3. I had major surgery on my Achilles heel two years ago and it hurts to wear tennis shoes
4. They are comfortable to walk in without pain.
5. You are my OBGYN WHY are you looking at my footwear?!
No worries, I don't only use flip flops. I do use backless (mules) tennis shoes from time to time.
I didn't actually tell her all of that but
I did tell her about the surgery and I couldn't help but think that if she checked my medical chart in front of her she would have seen that. She would have also noticed that I have lost 25lbs since my visit last year (especially since I was just weighed by her nurse 10 minutes ago), which I mentioned to her. I told her that I go to the gym and swim several times a week and have been "walking with purpose" as often as I can. You would think that would be the end of the lecture, but no. She continued to ask me if I wanted to be around and healthy so I can take care of my children. She thought I should be doing a more strenuous exercise then walking or swimming. I should take advantage of the workshops on weight loss that my medical provider offers. She asked me what I weighed when I was 18 because that is most likely what my natural weight should be (HUH?), and even though it would still be considered overweight, it would be much better to be that weight then what I am now. Weight loss surgery, is it something I have ever considered? She can give me literature on that. She mentioned my blood pressure is good, my blood sugar and cholesterol is all normal, but yet I was getting a 20 minute sermon from her about how I must lose weight. Honestly my head was spinning. And she had not even done my exam yet.
I left the Dr.'s office feeling pretty defeated and that no matter how much weight I would ever loose, it would never be enough unless I met the medical standards. After I snapped out of my funk and crying on my husband's shoulder, I gathered my thoughts. I'm not unreasonable and expect the Dr. not to say anything about my weight. But once I told her that I lost weight that year, it would have been encouraging to hear that whatever you are doing keep on doing. You've lost weight and all your vitals are good. I am not on a diet and I don't want to be. I have spent my entire life being on every kind of weight loss program. Right now my focus is being healthy, feeling good and yes, I do want to be around for my family. I don't need Dr. Obvious to tell me to eat less and exercise. I know that. I don't get how she would expect me to run or do Zumba when that's not an exercise I would ever stick to. I love to swim. Isn't that better then doing nothing for an hour?
As far as "walking with purpose" I can do that with my flip flops. I walk at the mall with purpose. I walked all over Hawaii and on the beach with purpose. I walk my puppies with purpose. When I'm at Disney, look out, I'm walking with purpose. As long as it's under 80 degrees, I'm walking with purpose! Because of my heel surgery, I found out what it is like to not be able to walk, so now that I finally am able to it is with purpose.
